Apostles Church

Ephesians 5:18-33. What is the Purpose of Marriage? Purpose gives the power to persevere.Why do people get married? "I Fell in Love." Bonhoffer: it is not the love that sustains the marriage but from now on the marriage that sustains the love.”  To have Children? Sex? Marriage is not for sex; sex is for marriage. Designed by God as act of whole-life entrustment, to establish and strengthen covenant. Danger of casual, serial, pre-martial sex is that it lessens your capacity for whole life entrustment. You train yourself to enjoy the pleasures of sex while resisting the purpose of sex and it becomes common instead of sacred. Companionship? GOD’S PURPOSE: Reflect the Gospel. To put on display the undying, unending, never-stopping love that Jesus has for his people and the trust, love and loyalty that His people have for him. Great marriages are founded upon the Gospel. The Gospel fuels forgiveness (Christ has forgiven me at great cost to himself); Forbearance (he has loved me in spite of all my deficiencies, failures, sins and is patient with me as I become more of what he saved me to be); Faithfulness (he will never leave me nor forsake me).

Review: Men – Christ portraying figure. Love our wives and lead our wives. Headship is not the right to rule, but a responsibility to bear. We are accountable to God for the marriage. Lead in Protection (lay our lives down for our wife to guard her from any threat) and Provision (physically and spiritually – promote her emotional health and spiritual formation – Illus: When husband and wives get in car…you are to be the spiritual driver in the relationship). Eph 5:28-30 one flesh. You care for your own body. Hungry/you eat; thirsty/ drink; tired/sleep; bored/entertainment; hurt/you seek comfort. Care for your wife, with whom you are now one flesh, like you care for your own needs. More: put your wife’s needs before your own. Is she lonely/engage her; spiritually hunger/nourish her; sorrowful/comfort her; distant from you/be reconciled to her – it is your responsibility – take the initiative. Many men are lazy and selfish and don’t take up responsibility. Most me don’t feel competent in this. Most men don’t like to do what they are not good at. So because they are not good at this and don’t feel competent in it, they don’t do it. They don’t love their wives well and they don’t lead their homes well. Men: You have to move past competency to responsibility. Quit making excuses and giving explanations and take up your responsibility. A real man is one who fulfills his responsibility. You do it with your job; do it even more so in your marriage. Many men marry a woman hoping their wives will take care of them like their moms did. Not the picture God gives us. You are called to the responsibility of providing, nourishing, caring for your wives. The Spirit is given to you to help you live this life (v18). You have to be present for this. Many husband abdicate this role.

Women – the Church portraying Figure; The Church joyfully submits to the love and leadership of Christ and wives are called to submit to the love and leadership of their husbands. Christian view of women is most clearly seen not in how a woman is told to respond to her husband, but in how a husband is commanded to treat his wife. Nothing more wonderful has ever been spoken about women – to love them as Christ loves the Church and gave himself up for her. The woman’s role in this marriage is portray the Church to the world by submitting to the love and leadership of her husband. ------- What submission is not:

Doesn’t mean the wife is inferior. Surpass their husbands in intelligence and competence and do nearly everything in the marriage better. Submission is not a statement about capacities, but about roles. Just as there is equality and functional subordination in the Godhead, there is equality and functional subordination in the marriage. Different roles that are to be played in the relationship. Anything with two heads is a monster. God gives structure to the marriage and has put the husband as the head; about function not about value.

Doesn’t mean embracing Traditional roles. You don’t have to be June Cleaver. Freedom to decide issues about working outside the home and who does what task inside the home.

Doesn’t mean unconditional and absolute submission. …as to the Lord. Christ is the ultimate authority in our lives. Only the Lord is worthy of full and absolute submission. Christ’s will is always before the husbands will. Because the husband is a sinner, the wife can and must disagree with her husband on issues and voice her disagreements when the husband violates Scriptures principles and the wife’s conscience and not just the wife’s preferences. This means you must seek to change your husband where he is not inline with God and his revealed will and seek to do that with a respectful and submissive spirit. What does it mean?

You give him the gift of your respect. You respect, affirm, honor your husband. (Some women command, slander, and humiliate their husbands).

You give him the gift of your dependence. 5:23, 28-30. One flesh/body; vital union. Interdependence that exists. Some marriages are like two kingdoms which have diplomatic relations, but are always in a state of tension and in danger of a fight or argument.  Biblical Picture: One body with husband as head. When the body acts independently of the head, it is unhealthy. Illus: Convulsions or a Stroke. One is the body acting independently from the head, the other the body is indifferent, unresponsive. Independence – not considering the husband’s leadership, making decisions (money, children, future plans) without considering or deferring to their husbands. Respect his role by living with a disposition to encourage and affirm his involvement and leadership. You encourage him to shoulder this responsibility. Wives need to repent of their independence, not because they are not capable without their husbands, but for the sake of the marriage. Illus: The Superior Wife Syndrome; Control at the loss of intimacy.  They neuter their husbands so they begin to function as children who need to be taken care of; and they make them feel unnecessary. Men withdraw when the feel unnecessary, but rise to the occasion when they are needed and depended upon. Some men are idle because of their wives’ independence and some wives are independent because of their husband’s idleness.  Each feeds the other. The cure for both is repentance. So, you have to give up control and dominance in the relationship and depend upon your husband. Stroke: Indifference. Some men try to lead but their wives are unresponsive. Give him the gift of your dependence – respond to his leadership.

Give him the gift of responsibility. You allow your husband the responsibility of the tie breaking vote. It does not mean that the wife has no say in direction and decisions. It means that the husband cultivates an environment of interaction and joint decision making and when agreement cannot be reached, the husband has the responsibility of the tie breaking vote. He is accountable and has to answer to God for it. Men must steward that responsibility well and make decisions that bring about the flourishing of the family. They must lead their families through these decisions prayerfully. Wives, your husband is a sinner and won’t bat 1.000; he will make poor decisions. You must forgive him and husbands you must learn from your mistakes and learn to listen to your wife’s intuition.

Conclusion: Marriage is a Drama. For those of you who are single, make sure you cast the right person in the role and you become the person that can fit the role.To the Married: embrace your role; Get into character, brush up on your part and play it well. Trust the Holy Spirit to work in your heart to fulfill it.